touch the sky

feels utopian, is not. what's real? feelings are real, thoughts stop. so much negativity said the limbic system - to the cerebral cortex, arcane exerts: lifts herself from a grave. not to be forgotten. how could you? she chided. abash, red faced, though already the footsteps are tentative, don't want to go back, to forgotten places, lost worlds sunk. sank for a reason. reason painful. can't work out details convoluted, confusing, tails or heads, seems like i lose. tentative forwards, though feelings erode whatever i have left for blue skies like heaven, only to be gazed from too far away. i want to touch, deep blue serene, get lost - echoes hear, hear. said the friend who came too near, pulled back. arcane depths reach to capture a promise, feeling left out, what's for me? me, sinking, sank. all in the past now, dragging my feet to touch tentative shadows afraid. bite. bark. tear a flesh, hurts. tear a soul. what have i? stooping, low, hunched back, a fevered dream a sky out of reach then i relapsed into the shadows, scrambling for earthly magic. calling. i am a part of this am i not? earth magic, collecting dust, bones: not sky out there, arcane bends over, echoes of something old, something ancient i can taste a heart - smells like hell, and heaven and i am trapped in flesh. tugging, pulled either way, earth roots me here, the here and now - skies evaporate, like smoke in the sun, spirals, spirals, spiraling i captured heaven and hell in this body. encased, enclosed: caged both whisper and shout, when i get tugged, pulled and often times it would seem, i do know, one settles, makes peace with me, the other - seeks to control, overpower, take over one sky, one soul, one earth i grew small, heaven grew large, i grew large, hell grew small, and i am always needing more, need not want i took refuge, i took my feelings, my cognitive traps into bed, my other self, facing me, curled up, fetal like: and above, endless skies watched, stood by, limbic system, cerebral me, understood not heaven's gesture: arcane descended, arcane lowered, arcane bowed and a fetal stretched. felt heaven real, saw heaven real, sighed.