the art of self deception

the fire that was like wet blanket on my face - because i said it so. singed, with red burns all over i rolled on the ground playing with lady bugs for they liked to crawl all over they burrowed inside my chest till i could hear their little hearts beating like an unborn child whose time on earth was being erased by the depletion of passion, of utopia barely able to dig into spoiled soil barren - like the emptiness inside a heated brain struggling to make sense of the path ahead where headlamps grow to become stars falling down, dying, unable to grant wishes. they've become blocks of broken promises unfulfilled, of past efforts unable to bring crops back to life. little beetles inserting the right color i prefer to see: red, brown, yellow and green, to feel, to be tanned under the hot afternoon sun, to become radiant once again, the first touch of naivety believing it to be something else and then red pricks, blood burning, scorched temperatures melting this plain logic no longer making sense as bugs they shed off colors poisonous. then the sniffing, the shuffling of the feet, the door closes while tiny eyes peek out into that wildness out there: the wings beat all frenzied, they've taken life, they've taken the loot - out from my thumping chest, they fly back to the stars beaming, exclaiming, shouting that wishes can be granted: if only i had listened. then the dead blocks of the fallen ones crumble before me, they try to emulate their heavenly brethren and can not. for the wings have been plucked out, bit by bit till the recesses no longer give breath. till the path becomes clear, the actions spelt out when words too have been burnt to ashes. they sit all cool like in the space in between heaven and hell. and then i realized earth had gotten a lot warmer, a lot more like the those eyes seeking, searching for the wild to reign in fire uncontrollable. it was all that warm fuzzy feelings that led me to wish upon a star. the one above, the dead one and the unsolvable puzzle: i loved those bugs, screeching, toying, playing, livid tapestries a blanket fierce - wrapped around my soul till i thought i had a name. i just forgot what it was.