Out of step

I twisted, turned, scrapped my knee on icy glass; to be like everyone else to fit in, to become the same drumbeat as the horses stomping on sandy ground eager to taste freedom, eager to become one and the same sound roaring through time; faded out with sun burns turning crispy paper brown: wrinkled up, smothering, smoking then a fear took hold. like a seizing of shrines lost at the bottom of a lake. surfacing, chained up to the hilt, bundled all nicely to become painted doll houses where my favorite spirit playmates go because belonging feels like home, like pseudo love, a placebo not for the faint of heart. color pencils carving magic rainbow on pretty roofs - with eyelids closed tight, a murmuring of wishes to stop wishing spells from replaying in past tense. the door slams shut and street lights make bizarre patterns: if, shadows do take on the witness stand. split apart with conscience revoking ink marks and foot steps get erased, then the soul flickers like a dying candle wick sputtering out her last few - sighs, breathing in deeply, exhales all the fumes belonging to the dead still trying to make pretend. merging with feints, flints and a knife no longer sharp bending towards a callous tomorrow, belligerent, haughty in that aloof manner only teenagers bring about with confidence unmatched when tomorrow hasn't burned. strut about in the tempo, the hot wires give shocks that cannot burn; unnerving, unabashed, still making headway downstream till the doll houses are overcrowded with polite small chats sticking on skin. becoming pimple mountains that don't crumble, all alike now the rainbow rooftops un-promise, with today wrinkled up like a worn used sock left too long in the cold. fearsome shrines beam from the sky, broke the dystopia that had become a tale derailed when the gathering noise thundered. the frequency so acute it broke too shadows unable to keep up with the walk of a flesh eager to play tag. chasing along curve balls swelling like a moon cake filled with yeast. splatters, yolks with the crust, fillings sweet - like me no longer able to tell apart frozen horses trapped in an icy glass breaking at the surface. just a scrap on my knee i thought, it went deeper, deeper till the bones too rattled from depth that never belonged to the rhythm of this swaying branch i am clinging on for dear life.