numb

it feels like sleep coming, a shutting down of capacities, awareness, knowledge - with only a hum of a slow flood of dopamine into a half hearted attempt to grasp on a life saver. but life saver this is not, this closing of the mind, of emotions locked up and a dull smile appears from no where for it is dark, so very dark that the smile itself is not made known. till the breathing is heard, shallow raspy ones, like life unwilling to be an accomplice in this logic. what logic? to wander again in the desert, barren land without smiles, a camel spits, and the gesture awakens not the traveler lulled into an old comfort. what comfort it is, that nuzzles to my breast, the breath is deep and steady, a hand played out, acted many times over: never failed. the ghastly smile that was mine, to a camel's spit, and still i followed the footprints deeper in the barren heart. for is it not true that the roads and trails all lead here? this emptiness, this coldness, this drugged state, amnesia appears to becoming again, for soon i will forget, go deeper i would - a surrender, a white flag, though it isn't failure that i fear! it's that ghost like whisper in my ears, humming of bedtime stories, to let this burden go, how i clutch at it, how wearisome it is. and travelers everywhere they had taken refuge in the empty ghost town, thrown off their burdens and here they lie, all with smiles in the dark.