crossroad

nuanced, blurry starry eyes gazing at the other eye of perception and being obedient, a good boy or girl just the way you like me to be, not giving problems, nodding my head, saying yes even when you are so very wrong, wrong exist not in your world when you provide care your justification for every beating when i should have questioned! no, no, no, mama loves you, i had to believe everything when i had no other option, the dark blue sea looks not quite inviting when sharks feast on newbies, unaware of how things truly work, hey they say not my fault, it is just what a shark would do, the laws have been stitched up, sewed tight, slewn into bits and pieces, like my foggy mind breaking apart trying to capture the eloquent, politically correct sentences coming out of your mouth - religion gives glory, legitimacy is right, power, what if churchill, napoleon had lost? stop vexing the hedonistic told me, just eat pleasure, take it when you can, that logic is flawless in a mind stress filled, currents ebb and then the guilt sets in, wrong is no longer gray, becomes quite clear where the line is, pleasure dulls the spirt. and who can raise their fist? towards the demon shrieking of pain, to calm senses red hot, eager for blood? ebb the waves did, till the spirit too became unfulfilled when so much pleasure was missing ... ... take a few steps backwards and then the clarity is stone cold, iced on skin that cracks for it is so easy to convince one starry eyed being on what it means to live, notions of exuberance, heightened senses, honeyed words pour into a void eager to erase all wrong doings - - - unable to cover up the other plane once lived, dulled up now, like your make up falling off and i can see what you are, who you are, evaporating my delusional thoughts of what is, my prayer, my sacred idol, my god, becoming another footprint stamped on rocks, bleeding stones melting what is, a name used without retaliation, weakness or strength i wondered? when it is said he could crush, he could forgive, hell and heaven floats in my mind, heart, a choice of word means nothing to what is for dare i say that a living god succumbs to mere words and actions? crossroads, such fine sounding speeches and the forest lush with fruits, nothing is forbidden on earth, we are the idols pretending otherwise, all our illusion buried inside a heart understanding what is, what has been, what transpired, the foggy memory is lifted, crossroads --- my hell and heaven within my heart.