a born sadness

sticks, more sticks, always reprimanded with a cane, rod, words pour down of what i should have been and pleas are long, constant, patient but your ears are blocked off because i am the life you never had, your fantasy of what could have been for yourself to take place through me. dare not, words to utter least another slap another time out, to be locked behind doors for days, no light within the basement while i hear the cheery parties outside when you bustle about to adorn yourself and go to the latest event. i hear the rats squealing behind me, it is so very dark here, i can barely peek through the slits of the door, i can hear the footsteps for the family readies themselves to some fun, without me, begging to be part of the group. i am the invisible boy, my echoes come back faintly, my throat hoarse, why have me when i am not wanted? no matter, i will be brave to face the night, it is always night in my world, where shadows stretch longer than usual, can't be mine! later on i would hear all the love there is for me, how it was for my own good, to make me better, bitter medicine is the best, you say and i wonder why you don't take some of life's bitterness yourself, since it is so very nourishing, shut my mouth because i do not want another thump on the head. in my world, i am being nurtured with discipline, i tell myself each day this is what love feels like.